My mom always tells me “You have to meet people where they are” She’s said this to me a lot in my life and I’ve never understood it. I think when I got to college I finally understood what she meant. There are some people in your life that you will either have to deal with or want to keep around that don’t (in your opinion) treat you as well as you treat them. I say in your opinion because sometimes these people do not see the flaws in their ways and feel like they are treating you great. Instead of constantly feeling unappreciated or bothered by the inequality you have to change the way you approach the relationship. Give them exactly what they give you. Whether that is time, resources, or support. Don’t go out on a limb for people who don’t do the same for you. I understand helping people when you can but when it is consistently not reciprocated you have to take care of yourself.
I think this is important for people to consider, especially givers. As a person who constantly gives and wants to take care of people, you have to know when enough is enough. I see my grandma who gives all she can to people who have decided that it is her her responsibility to give. They do not appreciate all she’s done. I see the exhaustion and disappointment in her eyes every time her kindness is taken for weakness. She is just now learning how to “meet people where they are” and I fear that it is still too late to repair her heart from the hurt that comes with being a giver.
My issue with my mother’s idea is that I don’t know how to give anything less than 100%. I don’t know why people would ever want to give anything less than 100% in a relationship of any kind. I don’t understand how you can see a person giving you their all and take it while doing nothing in return. I have officially accepted that I love WAY to hard and that means that sometimes I have to let things go because I can’t meet half-love with half-love. But honestly who wants to?