An open letter to Black Men

I’ve been loved by too many Black men to say that they are all collectively trash. I have also been hurt enough by a few to understand this POV. I have talked to some men who are starting to take the “men are trash” tweets to heart and at the risk of sounding like a pick me…

Black men, we love you! We promise! You do not deserve to suffer and you are not the scum of the earth. We just want to receive the same effort we put in.

We throw this term toxic masculinity around a lot, probably to the point where it’s hard for you to understand the meaning but it’s hurting your interactions. You spend so much time trying to be a tough guy and hide your emotions that it gets in the way of your relationships with people.

I encourage you to look at yourself, think about some of the flaws that you have and how you can fix them. I’m a firm believer in therapy. It doesn’t make you weak, it takes a strong person want to be better. Honestly holding all those feelings in will push you towards a breakdown.

Think about what you want in a relationship and teach the person you’re with how to love you. How are we supposed to know what keeps you up at night if you never tell us? Understand that we’re not perfect either and don’t just leave when things are hard. And if you do decide to leave, know that it is not our responsibility to wait for you with open arms until you get your shit together. 

PLEASE don’t call us crazy. We put a lot of trust in you and that word makes us want to pull back when all we needed was our feelings validated.

Even as friends we just want you to hear us and respect us as your equal. Check your friends when they’re disrespecting us and listen when we talk about rape culture.

I know that women can be trash too, and a broken heart can take forever to heal but take that time. Let’s try to stop the cycle of entering relationships and hurting people because we don’t want to be alone.

Lastly, you are worthy. Worthy of love, of success, of peace. I acknowledge the struggles you face in this world. I know sometimes it can feel like you have a target on your back and enemies coming from all sides. You can look to us for solace but not as your emotional laborer or your punching bag.

Black men, we love you. Just stop making it so hard for us to do.

4 thoughts on “An open letter to Black Men

  1. I’ll practice this by saying I have no knowledge of you – race, age, stance on well…”life” so I am in no position to judge you, but assuming this is directed solely to Black men, isn’t it wrong to assume we’re all as described in this blog post? Different men/people grow up in different locations with different upbringings with different views and attitudes towards people, life, and relationships. An open letter to black men paints us all under one picture of the negative traits here written. As though we are all in some need of fixing.

    Maybe this applies to those you have been involved with but to subject an entire group of people – with fowl concentration at that, with the headline “black men” isn’t attractive. What it does, is set us back 400 years to a time when we were seen as collective trash, it also publicizes the stereotypes and every wrong doing seen in “insert your favourite Gangsta/Baby Momma film here”

    I, for one, don’t call women crazy, and I have high confidence in saying that myself as well as the black friends I have are in no way representative of the words in this post. I question why this isn’t titled “Men are trash” as some form of satire or traditional humour. Thing is, if this were written by a man or woman who’s white, then right away everyone who reads it would throw the term racism around. If I were to write an open letter to black women, or even all women, I have no doubt that the new-age hipsters, first-world problem children, and online cowardice of twitter would attack it in an instant.

    1. I apologize if anything that I wrote made you uncomfortable. This post stems from a conversation I had with multiple black men concerning what’s posted about them on Twitter. If nothing I wrote this post Applies to you than that’s amazing and I’m glad that you are at this great space in your life and this post is not for you. However there are men who do have issues with the things that I have mentioned. As far as my blog post setting our entire race back 400 years, if a non black person decides to use this to stereotype black men they were never giving them a chance in the first place. I appreciate your feedback.

      1. Most importantly, I appreciate your calm and steady response to what I wrote. Truth be told, although I don’t know you, experience has taught me that online reactions of the sort invoke harsh convo between the two participants over disagreements. Glad this wasn’t the case. And for that I respect you, despite my earlier issues with what you wrote in the post. Honestly, I hope your blog continues to do well. Clearly that’s evident going by the other posts of yours I have read. Which by the way, I find to be quite incredible.

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